Ahh the holidays, that wonder time of the year for being with family and friends.

It’s also that time of year filled with parties, drinks and food.  When I put my jeans on this morning I briefly wondered if I should register them as a lethal weapon because if the button popped off it would probably take out a small child.

So how did they get me, the one who has lost all this weight and kept it off for over a year?  It’s not a simple question.  First of all, the holidays can be hard for people like me who have lost a lot of loved ones.  Secondly, I’ve been working non-stop since August, averaging 80 hour work weeks, hence the lack of blog posts and recipes from me.  Lastly, I really love to bake.  Not only that, I love to eat it.  Sugar, glorious sugar will always be my drug of choice.

I’ve been white knuckling the back of the wagon since September.  My crazy work schedule totally threw me for a loop.  Food prep and just plain doing anything but sleep when I’m not at work is hard once you throw in my commute time to my 12 hour work day.

I’ve had zero time to develop new recipes, and if there is one thing I’ve learned the last two years is you have to keep interesting food in your rotation.  If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I won’t put a recipe up unless I have made it three times.  Food is expensive.  I won’t put anything up here that is not tried and true.  There are a couple of things I’ve made that need one or two more tests, but I just haven’t had the time.

So things started to go totally awry thanks to the model in the featured picture of this blog post:

He discovered that if he got on my scale the little number would flash, and he loved to play with it.  He also discovered that if he got off and got back on those numbers would flash again instead of standing still.  So off and on he’d go, batting at the flashing numbers, until they just quit.

I’d plan on getting new batteries for it, but my aforementioned work schedule did not help matters.  It was almost Christmas by the time I finally just bought a scale, and I found myself 10 pounds past goal.

I’m not going to lie.  I was freaked out.  I’ll never understand how it can take months to lose that amount of weight and such a small amount of time to gain it back.  Actually, I do understand.

Here’s a math lesson, kids.  On average I burn about 2300 calories a day, which has been more like 1800-2000 since I’ve been so busy.  My treadmill is now a coatrack.  That right there is almost a pound of calories I haven’t been burning each week.

While maintaining I ate probably around 1800 calories a day, with a bump on my weekends if I went out for dinner or had some drinks.  The math equals out, and I’d stay in my healthy weight range.  The moderation thing totally works, and it worked for me for over a year.

So just with my routine being thrown off I was burning almost a whole pound of calories less.  Next up:  horrible food choices.  I am completely convinced that the current epidemic of obesity in America is due to how much we eat out.  Something you might make at home can have double or triple the calories in a restaurant, which the gigantic portion sizes and extra fats.  Don’t even get me started on the salt content.

It’s the same, sad story as before I lost all the weight.  I’d have the best intentions of making a delicious, healthy meal on my way home from work.  Exhausted, I would talk myself out of those intentions and get pizza, or Chinese, or whatever else was fast and easy and would allow me to get more than four hours of sleep that night.

I managed to keep those days to a minimum at first, but slippery slope and all of that kicked in and it happened more and more the longer I was on this crazy schedule.  With only a sprinkling of days off in a few months time I also haven’t got my butt to a meeting, which has been key for me.

For you newbies I do Weight Watchers, or the newly branded WW.  It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay.  I am not one of those zombie like followers who believe my way is the only way to do it.  Each person needs to find what works for them, and standing on a scale each week in front of a stranger works for me.

So I had this perfect storm of weight gain going on, and with the broken scale I just put it to the back of my mind.  There was no solid proof that I was gaining, and I welcomed denial like an old friend coming home for the holidays.

I can deny it no more, and I’m desperately trying to reframe my thoughts.  You see before this weight loss if I started gaining it was “oh well, this doesn’t work” and I’d throw in the towel.

There shall be no towel throwing for me because I am NOT going back to this,

and that’s exactly what will happen if I think a measly 10 pound weight gain means I’m a failure.

I’m not a failure, just human.  I’ve been participating in a deadly dance of “I already blew it this week, so I’ll get back on it next week.”  There is no next week, just right now.  Even if I were to get donuts on the way to work this morning then I’ll be back on it at lunch time.  One slip up was giving me permission to leave my new healthy lifestyle for a whole week, but no more.

I’m going to keep saying that until I believe it.  I’m going to revisit some of my beloved Instant Pot Recipes and check out some new ones.  That magical machine helped me all the way to goal, and it’s time I started using it more often again.

Remembering that 55 pounds ago I’d want to smack the girl lamenting the fact that she needed to lose 10 pounds should help me be more kind to myself.  Be kind to yourself too.  This weight loss stuff is hard.

Aside from writing this blog, I have a new novel out.  Going Home is a book about second chances, set in a holiday obsessed town.  If you like Hallmark movies, you’ll love this book!

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